Vinn's Journal
10/1/2007 |
A friend writes this morning, "and she lived from a seat deep within". That statement gets me to wondering what it means to live a life from a deep seated position. How do you train to occupy that location? It is prayer work, and meditation? How about good works for others? Perhaps it is an inner job, and attitude becomes the spark for lighting up this way of being. What do you know about this? Tell me. Write and tell me.
I derive some clarity from Rilke who points to living a life in ever widening circles and to giving myself fully to the circle I am orbiting. He speaks about full engagement with the stream of events, people, and conditions that I am presently with, with no half hearted involvement allowed. I know, through experience, that as I engage without reservation whatever has showed up in my daily story, I am better suited to prepare myself for decisions I make and the responses I have for any everyday dance that is presented. There is a dance that requires deft foot work between thinking and acting. Timing is everything in this dance. Trusting my inner intuition vs. the voice of control and fear needs a sharpening of response and ability to decipher which is speaking. Discernment becomes the music I must study and listen to in this dance. I must become a maestro of shrewdness and sensitivity.
Experience has also shown me that I trail off into nebulous regions every time I become the bobble-head of indecision and shallow seating. Every time I am uncertain and act anyway; I often regret. Each time I am caught up in a swirl of tentativeness and shallow positioning, I create confusion. Each and every time I agree to something that you find important, but to me does not register as vital; I lose a bit of the luster of my soul and enter into a region of lost purpose and identity. It becomes painfully clear that I must pause and witness myself every time I am being asked to dance and I am not prepared to. It will do no one any good to bobble-head my way to love and acceptance because I think it is where you want me. I will occupy a shallow seat that is made of fraying straw and eventually will come crashing down on my rear.
This depth of source is a place that I wonder about sitting in. I have known and felt that it is far better to live from the inside out with trust and a view of humanity as benevolent. Yet what about those times when I feel forgotten or betrayed from the outside? What about those times when everything in my life appears cloudy and confusing? How about those moments of deep insecurity and comparison to everyone else in the room? How does the movement of my soul help make things clear and position me to see better? What do I do when the whole of my world appears stuck in place? I DANCE!
I dance the dance of fluid freedom and liberation of love in my body. I dance the dance of remembering and forgetting who I AM. I dance the dance of open and tender vulnerability. I dance the dance of fierce and clear warrior. I dance until all time stops and the mind is no longer making things up. I dance until the heart takes its' place at the front of this legion of compassionate warriors and gives the clarion call to, CHARGE.
I dance until I no longer scream silently inwardly, but shout out loud; I AM ENOUGH! I AM NECESSARY! I AM HERE! I AM NOW!
I AM A SOUL IN MOTION.
All is well………vinn