Vinn's Journal
12/1/2006 |
Here is an offering of an end of year state of affairs.
I ramble. I rage. I regret. I remorse. I remember.
I watch thoughts disappearing to gone.
A fray of waves consumes this ego while swimming upstream pretending to be me.
I state where I stand.
I stand on shifting ground.
I observe the dynamism of all things.
I side step.
I accommodate.
I exonerate.
I give thanks.
I shift within the movement moment.
This is and has been a vital year for ushering in cavernous emotions.
Love is an entity of focus to feel furrow frowns of frivolity foaming forever.
I endeavor to be examples of living the moment as I find myself at odds with the colossal task of taking leave of my senses to jump start a heart, postmortem.
Give up all hope, all love, all thought and wait as stillness.
I have no expectations to pass through here again.
Disappointment, desolation, and dents to the ventricle valves impede the flow of prana to the cells of callous calamity.
I gasp for air as I struggle to lift my head out of the waters of self-pity.
Today is a day of celebration and carousel rides through the amusement park of divine poise and presence.
All I really want to do is, baby, be friends with you.
In the end, I suspect that all actions, all behaviors, and all motivation lie in the realm of self-interest and promotion of personal peace and self serenity.
Que Lastima!
I wish to offend no one and hold no grudge (for too long!)
I, too, am an ingredient in the sweet stones of life nourishing all who hunger for the last layer of birthday cake, icing, and delicacies.
Here are the candles, please, now is the time to enter and sing to me reminders of my birth and re-birth, and diminishing capacity to conjure up exacting episodes of ecstasy.
I hear the braying of the filly as she watches her foal being ushered away.
Wobbly and lethargic becomes her prance around the corral.
Disbanding in the direction of the ride away, she holds ground defiant and hopeful.
Beyond the horizon, I become her devotee.
The line of life which sustained me throughout the years has vanished out of sight.
Uncomfortable and disbelieving is her response to losing her body.
She struggles to hang on and have her dignity restored.
She never recovers from giving up her sovereignty to shop, and cook, and clean her apartment.
Sometimes I feel like a mother less child.
Sometimes I feel so all alone.
I embrace the night shadow bag.
I subsist in the space between shapes.
I dance milenquero moments of madness.
I listen beyond the noise.
I embrace all who request respite.
I stalk the seditious shifts of perspective that lead to separation.
I love overwhelmingly.
I make no apology.
I forgive fluidly.
I end on the upbeat.
I’ll be there when the deal goes down.
Travel well, vinn