Vinn's Journal
12/1/2007 |
"We must assume our existence as broadly as we in any way can; everything, even the unheard of, must be possible in it. This is at bottom the only courage that is demanded of us: to have courage for the most strange, the most inexplicable."
Rilke
Today I started this day reading a couple of notes sent to me. One was from a word of the day. The word for today, the note stated, is "perfervid", with the accent on the middle three letters. It is an adjective which stands for impassioned, ardent, overwrought emotion. Did that ever hit home! It is a description of a way that I look at my world when I am firing hormones, steadily and straight. I can plead my case with the best. I can reach down and draw from a well of passion and heat for most any circumstance. I recall how my family used loud voices and wild gestures to describe the weather. I learned from the masters about being impassioned. Today I neither fully embrace nor reject what seems to be hard wiring for me. I do know that I am on the lookout for appropriateness regarding my responses to conditions and situations. At times, poise and patience accompanied by a quiet resolve can be just the right response to adversity.
In my Soul Motion™ practice of Pause I gather more information regarding standing as witness. I am able in this practice to feel what it is like to relax in the midst of the swirl of events, and track how I deliver opinions, judgments, and interpretations. Whenever I hold the High Watch during Passages, I practice distinguishing between what is happening, what I am feeling, and what I am imagining about any given scene. This discernment serves me well. Say less, see more: speak sparingly, observe orientation.
The second note I received was from Renaissance Unity which sent me a message for the day, November 13, the message was Courage. The accompanying message from Francine Ward reminds that the best way to deal with fear is to walk through it, through the pain that accompanies doing something that you, and I, are afraid to do. We create a partnership in these two reminders of the day that I suspect will provide an effective remedy action for those off center times when I find myself scurrying to maintain poise and proper alignment. This mad dash is paralleled with a sidecar of screams and whistles calling for attention. Like Tommy from the opera I am wailing, "SEE ME!" "TOUCH ME!"
Courage equates with constancy and comes with a whole lot of misunderstanding on how to be courageous. Aside from charging down the hills of hopelessness to vanquish the purveyors of pain and injustice with one fell swoop, there is a power and presence overhanging any uncomfortable scene as I become diligent and consistent. A steady and small drumbeat forward, undeterred by the vagaries of change and emotional slippage, I move to be the most courageous activity required to look fear in the eye, unblinking and with lion hearted compassion.
I know courage as I walk with my fears in perfervid poise. My fear of condemnation and judgment is always brewing on the back burner. I am grateful,(I think) for the many opportunities I get to practice courage in the face of this personal fear and I am much better at forgiving myself when I fall short(which is often).
in love........vinn